Put on a sympathetic face and step this way...

...because it truly has been the worst day I can remember.

All the machines had it in for me at work today. First the most important computer in the entire department decided to commit suicide. Yes, that's right. Mine.

And I don't mean that in a jokey way - it really is the most important computer.

And then the next computer I moved onto crashed too. Many times. It took me an hour just to get into my emails. And then there was the photocopier. The less said about that the better.

By this time it was 4pm and I had still done very little work. Now, I didn't really mind too much at this stage. Tomorrow I would have a hideous amount of work to catch up on, but I could cope with that, because tomorrow was Friday.

So, cheerful and jaunty, I made my way up to the Hog's Head in Exeter, with a big bag full of prizes and games for my quiz night. And I got there, and the barmaid told me that there was another party booked right next to me, and that she wouldn't be able to turn the music down because of them. I was a bit p***ed off, seeing as they knew I was doing a quiz night, and would need to shout over the other party's music, and they also had my phone number, so could have forewarned me.

This was all academic, anyway, because no one turned up.

No, actually, not no one. I could have coped with no one because I wouldn't have been noticed. I could have just been the local drunk supping his twelfth pint of the day in the corner of the bar.

Two people turned up. A good friend of mine, and her husband, both got to see me die on my arse in a horrible, horrible way.

It's not like I didn't advertise - there are posters up all over the place, and leaflets here, there and everywhere. My main problem, though, is that I don't have enough friends down here to bully into helping me.

Nevertheless, here follows a brief list of the people who have let me down particularly badly tonight:

• The bird who works in HMV who came to the last one and told me she'd come to this one and bring more friends.
• My friend Adam, who is just pants.
• The president of Exeter University Rag Society, who not only did not keep his promise of forwarding on an email to 1800 students for me, but who still hasn't sorted out the £100 or so that is still sitting in Rag's accounts, and which I raised for my Sahara Trek three months ago.

Now all I need is for Labour to win a 200 seat majority, thus further undermining the credibility and accountability of our national system of Government, and my day will be complete.

Nevertheless, I have now acquired two more items of worthless tat to give away, and shall hold another quiz night, whilst simultaneously vowing never to go into a Hog's Head pub again.

WHO'S WITH ME?!